When I was in PST, we had to study Thai for four hours a day, four days a week. In addition to this we were living with a host family and just generally “being” in Thai society. Needless to say, there was a lot of learning going on. At first, I really enjoyed going to class. I had two awesome classmates and a great teacher. I was excited to be able to have conversations with my host family, albeit short awkward ones that pretty much consisted of what we were eating, how it tasted, was it delicious, and then ended with us staring at one another for a few seconds before they returned to their “adult” conversation and let the weird, foreign “child” alone. I would study while they were watching T.V., and I felt like I was making progress, breaking the code of Thai, if you will.
And then...I don't know. It just stopped being fun. In fact, it started to be a chore. I started to dread going to class. I began to really doubt myself in conversations; I felt like I couldn't even be trusted with “Sawatdee-ka” anymore. (Sawatdee-ka...Really? That doesn't sound right...) In class, it felt like I was continually adding stories to a building with an increasingly shaky foundation. Eventually, I resorted to sabotage. I was constantly thwarting all of our teacher's efforts to start class by asking cultural questions and gossiping. At home, I didn't study in front of the T.V. anymore. My days of being a good little student seemed to be over.
Then, the day of reckoning came. We had our language proficiency exam. Mine was early, so I at least didn't have to spend the whole day fretting. I went in, chatted with the lady for about 20 minutes and then walked out. No big deal. I thought it went OK, but the rest of the day was spent comparing exams to other volunteers, effectively increasing my stress. (Yours lasted 30 minutes? You had two role plays?!)
Luckily, we didn't have to wait long. We got our results the following Monday. I got an intermediate low, which is a level above what I needed as a TCCO volunteer, but a level below what I wanted and what everyone else seemed to receive. Despite the fact that I passed, I was really disappointed in myself. I knew that I was better than the score I received. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of me and languages. And it goes back to forever, or seventh grade. I have tried to learn no less than five languages now. German through high school; a couple of semesters of Italian in college, which I was forced to drop before the “D” ruined my GPA; sign language for four semesters; Spanish, on my own (most pathetic attempt ever) and then, Korean. All in all, a pretty pitiable track record as I am not even conversational in one.
Thai was different though. I actually put some effort into this one. I know exactly what my problem is. If the exam had been a written one, I would've blown it out of the water. When I'm confronted with an oral test, though, I become a mess. I think I managed a good “My name is Ashley.” I had to lie my way around what my dad does by telling the exam administrator that my dad works as a cook at a hotel. So far from the truth I might as well have told her he was an astronaut, which I would've done if I'd had the vocabulary. In other words, my nerves get the best of me, and I have no confidence when it comes to speaking. I run every sentence through about ten filters before I finally say it. I know I have to get over this, but it's a constant struggle.
But, the point of talking about this is to tell how this relates to me now. In my state of super ambition at site, I made a list of goals for myself that I'd like to fulfill by the time I complete my service. One of these is to score a superior on my Thai exam at the close of service. Close to impossible, I know, but I figured it's worth a shot.
So far, I've been pretty determined and focused with my studying. I get up most mornings at around 5 a.m. to study for an hour and then do another half hour before I go to bed. I've also been carrying a notebook around with me and writing down any new words I hear and have been asking how to say certain things. I can read now; I'm working on my writing.
Since being at site, I've determined that even though the language training during PST is great, fabulous even, I know my learning style best. I know what works and what doesn't for me. Learning to read has been the most helpful thing to me. Once I can visualize what a word looks like, it will stay in my head if not forever, then for at least a good while. A very small proportion of language class was spent on reading, which is understandable, but I think it also hindered my learning a bit. Before PST ended, I was pretty sure that my Thai learning would come to a standstill, but I've learned that it is possible to become your own teacher. At least until I can find a Thai boyfriend.
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